The situation is the boss
In the documentary Long Strange Trip, Grateful Dead friend and roadie Steve Parish summed up the band’s leaderless philosophy with this statement: “The situation is the boss.” It’s a democratic approach that requires participation and sometimes guidance, but never hierarchy or control.
Parish used the example of a broken drown truck, concluding that the carburetor was the boss of that particular scenario. However, “the situation” could also be societal (or interpersonal).
The point is: for every situation, there’s a sweet spot between the extremes of doing nothing and grasping too tightly. In the middle, there are neither hiding spaces nor delusions of power to comfort us. Instead, we find honesty, integrity, and action. This middle is not an easy place, but it’s where we find peace.
To apply this framework, check out the journal prompts below.
The “Dara knot” in the middle of this sketch depicts the roots of an oak tree. It is a Celtic symbol of wisdom and inner strength.
PROMPT: Consider a situation that feels especially challenging. This could be a collective concern like democracy or climate change, or it could be a personal one like a health challenge, career frustration, or a complicated relationship. (Or another kind of situation—whatever is weighing on you.)
Use your journal, sketchbook, or a quiet moment to explore these questions:
Where are you today on the spectrum between avoidance and grasping for control? What does that look like in your actions and words? How does it feel to you emotionally, and in your body? Reflect on your tendencies and your history up to this point. Try not to judge; just observe and note what is real for you right now.
Imagine yourself in the middle, right in your zone of integrity. What matters to you, as you move through this challenge? What will you say and do (or not do)? How will that feel to you? You might explore the risks and rewards you will navigate in this zone, what friends you hope to find there, or why you want to be there in the first place.
What would move you closer to that? These could be tiny actions or grand gestures. They could also be inner movements that are only visible to you. Just brainstorm for now. You aren’t committing; you are simply taking a survey of your options.
What concrete step do you discern is next for you? What obstacles might you face, and how will you move past them? Whom would you like to accompany you? Or, is your next step a solo mission? How will you maintain your energy and find your rest in the process?
Even the process of engaging these questions is a way to inhabit your zone of integrity. So, you’re doing great. See what I did there?! 🙃
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