One in Seven Billion
I am reading and LOVING The Book of Joy, which is a record of 2015 conversations between longtime friends Archbishop Desmond Tutu and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. I will likely be drawing from this for quite some time, and I can’t recommend it highly enough.
One topic that caught my attention was their discussion of the difference between reacting and responding. A thoughtful response supports relationship, trust, honesty, and compassion—all common goals for kind people navigating difficult situations. Reacting, on the other hand, can block both caring and candor, especially when it stems from negative emotions like fear or anger.
Negative emotions aren’t the culprit, though. They simply are. The important question is what we do with them. This is where intentional response comes in.
Here are some techniques suggested by the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu to help cultivate compassion for both self and others in the process:
Pause, breathe deeply, and actually feel the emotion you’re experiencing. It’s ok to have feelings—even a good thing. You’re alive.
Remember that you are one of seven billion humans. Consider how tiny and unimportant you are (harsh, sorry—but true for us all).
For more perspective, contemplate the disparity between the average human lifespan and the age of the earth.
Explore what is happening for the other person or people involved. Where might compassion take root?
Reflect on what you think the situation is trying to teach you.
Look for the humor in things, and in particular how you might laugh at yourself.
Take the time you need to recenter, then decide how you will respond.
On a practical note, for everyone who isn’t the Dalai Lama or Desmond Tutu… It can be helpful to have a patent response for tough moments, in order to gracefully claim space. Try an earnest, “Thank you for this. I’m going to take some time to consider it before I respond.” (The simple truth.)
If you are a leader or crisis professional who must respond to stress urgently, know that moving through emotion quickly and responding from calm is a learned skill you can develop. For your own well-being, I recommend taking time after a crisis passes to process and integrate your experiences—through a meaningful restorative practice, with the help of a trained professional, or both.
Photo by Taylor Leopold on Unsplash.